Thursday, February 3, 2022

Thom Gunn









thomgunn


I can almost see it 
Thin, tall, half-handsome 
the thin hungry sweetness 
of his smile gone 
as he makes up his mind 
and walks behind the barn 
in his thin pointed boots 
over the crackling eucalyptus leaves 
and shoots himself in the head 

Even the terror 
of leaving life like that 
better than the terror 
of being unable to handle it 

Though I hardly knew him 
I rehearse it again and again 
Did he smell eucalyptus last? 
No it was his own blood 
as he choked on it 

They keep leaving me 
and they don't 
tell me they don't 
warn me that this is 
the last time I'll be seeing them 

as they drop away 
like Danny or 
slowly estrange themselves 

There will be no turn of the river 
where we are all reunited 
in a wonderful party 
the picnic spread 
all the lost found 
as in hide and seek 

An odd comfort 
that the way we are always 
most in agreement 
is in playing the same game 

where everyone always gets lost  

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